I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
