Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
