is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
