Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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