It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize