I hope mine doesn't look like that
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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