The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just googled if crying burns calories
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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