My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize