Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
