3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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