She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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