Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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