Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
NoShamevember. You game?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
