So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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