Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
