the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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