So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
