I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize