i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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