Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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