I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
