What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
