apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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