I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize