That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
