This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
