I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
