dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
