I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
