I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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