ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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