I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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