I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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