i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
