You work out of a Hotel?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
