Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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