can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize