I am puke
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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