Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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