david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know her cup size but not her name....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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