can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your cock deserves a montage
NoShamevember. You game?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
