i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
