Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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