AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
