I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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