Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She announced her abortion via fbk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
