After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
