She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my phone needs a breathalizer
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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