I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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