I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize