i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
