I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
