Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
