i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
