Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
