Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
