did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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