my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize