please come you make the beer taste better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i dont even know how to be here
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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