so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
