OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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