he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
