his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
