is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
