how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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