areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
