I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize