it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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