the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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