dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
