after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
