He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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