WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
